July 27, 2009

this i know

i know many women before me and many women after me will mother a clan of all boys.

males are highly prized individuals in many cultures and some really do cherish their three or five or eight male children and don't really feel like they're missing anything by not raising girls alongside their sons. like sincerely cherish. i know this.

and i'm feeling that way, now, mostly. except when i am blindsided by the most adorable pair of toddler girl jeans with cute flowers and butterflies embroidered on them. or sweet, little pink sandals that would resemble something i'd wear, but in a totally respectable manner, not in a "i'm trying to turn my three year old daughter into a skank" sort of way.

but is that it? allow me to ponder whether or not my materialistic-ness (a better word escapes me, right now, as i nestle a heavy sleepy baby boy to my bosom) is the only thing that would be satisfied by having a daughter.

surely, others can relate. i know this. but is that really all there is? does it come down to cute baby girl clothes and well, playing dolls? and by playing dolls, i mean dressing them and combing their hair, not having a batman action figure hitch a ride with dora and her mom, in their minivan. true story.

okay, so batman and dora make a lovely pair and i'm not complaining about my three year old's terrific ability to blend characters for imaginative play. in fact, i am rather amused by it. i'm just trying to figure out, in an effort to grow as a person, if i am so shallow that i really only wanted a daughter as an excuse to go shopping!

i mean not having a little girl certainly doesn't bother me when i see my friend's twelve year old daughter sprouting real, actual, for serious, breasts. nope. i actually breathe a sigh of relief when that happens and count my blessings that i am not now mothering a 13 year old girl, but rather a 13 year old boy that only wants to use a ceramic flat iron to straighten his hair but doesn't also want to wear make-up, short shorts, bra-strap revealing tank tops, and *gasp* go to the movies with the cutest boy in eighth grade, or even high school. yes. i'm counting my blessings right now...i mean, of course i'd have some ground rules and never allow my young teenage daughter to dress like that or go out with boys, yet, however i was a young teenage girl once. and we won't go there.

i suppose the answer to my current mind-examination will not come quickly or easily. perhaps i will never know. my 13 year old did suggest the other day that i just start my own line of children's clothing. for boy children. but i don't know...there are boy mamas that have done something similar and either cater exclusively to girl mamas by making the sweetest clothing ever (think: matilda jane) or make clothing for children in general, not catering to one gender over the other. and see? the problem isn't that i think the world lacks cute clothing for boys (even if girl clothing is so much more exciting!). quite the contrary.

there is an impressive range of adorableness out there for any style and budget, from the wonderfully vast array of handmade clothing, to the modern classics found at mini boden and garnet hill, and the assortment at gymboree, the gap, or old navy. and let's not forget that the good ol' classic carter's has re-vamped their line and appeals to those of us looking for simple, easy-wear play pieces and in their newfound simplicity i must admit that i think their boy clothing is much cuter than their girl clothing. tea and rabbit moon have also produced some of the sweetest classic boy apparel i've ever seen. i could go on and on. obviously, my children are not missing out in the aesthetics department simply because they are boys. it's just that when i see mini versions of free-spirited hippie-like clothing that i would have loved to wear as a child, i get a little weepy for the daughter i'll never have. and i just really don't think that i could ever be clever enough to market prairie skirts or shirts with antique floral designs to the mothers of little boys, for their little boys.

of course, the thought of designing clothing that society deems appropriate for little boys does seem exciting because one can never have too many choices. but right now i think i'll focus on raising my boys and outfitting them in what's currently available. considering that i don't even know how to operate a sewing machine (yet), they'll probably thank me when they grow up. but every now and then i'll stop myself. and ask myself why i really, truly ever wanted a little girl. this will most likely occur as i am walking through the children's clothing department because no matter how i try to avert my eyes from the girl section, i will inevitably catch sight of some adorable pink and brown floral thing that could never fall into the "gender neutral" category. and i'll get a little sad.

i know this.

and it's okay.